Look for black love for black.

Is a good (black) man really hard to find? This week, we are taking some long-term stereotypes about black love for black people.

Natalie asked:

I was an attractive young black woman from Austin, and I couldn’t seem to find a black man. I support and participate in the friendship between different RACES and romantic (that strangers often comment on my circles – the cover of the diversity of university level), but I always hope and expect to like my parents, grandparents and great – grandparents black lover. I wouldn’t say I’m waiting for a black, but I am older, I attended the wedding, the more my brothers or Cousins married a white woman, I see consciously lack of eye contact, while black men s up my non – black friend at the club, the more I think it will never happen to me. I want my baby heir and baby’s hair and Africa… Jackson 5 nostrils.

Ah, eternal question.

Natalie, this is my conversation with friends, family, colleagues — even my college professors. It is not easy. Because answering your questions, we have to solve some truths, some myths and some painful realities.

First, the truth. Dating is hard for many people, but for black women in the United States, it can be very scary. First, we are often expected to meet the white beauty standard. On the other hand, we are opposed to the racist stereotypes of marching: we are angry, bully, lazy, pure, supersexual and castrated. Oh, we can’t make a joke.

Those stereotypes and expectations do two things. First, they limited the number of people interested in dating black women. Second, they often create situations where we as black women struggle to adapt to these categories. So instead of relaxing, we’re trying to have fun with the potential dates, and we’re stuck in an impossible game of trying to look fun and ambitious and women and flirtatious… But not too frivolous.

In order to help us, we are told to listen to relationship advice, as Demetria Lucas D ‘Oyley puts it, the advice from the experts, their gender and gender with the views of the “wrong”, “they tell women how to be a better women [lets them] to land a person. “

You don’t want to date, do you?

Most importantly, black women had to face some stereotypes about black men. Author and relationship expert ratan Blake says all women get the message that it’s hard to find a good match. But she said black women who wanted to date blacks “really got the news that he wasn’t there.”

According to LaDawn Black, some myths about Black people: “he didn’t go to college, he wasn’t interested in you, because he was interested in dating women of other RACES… Or maybe he’s just not getting it because he’s in prison, or he’s just not healthy, or he’s addicted. ”

Blake said: “we always receive these messages, but what happened is that we as black women have begun to internalize it, even if we look around and see that we will marry girlfriend, even if we see the happy family, we see people in the growth and prosperity. ”

So let’s look at some Numbers. According to a 2015 pew research survey, 75 percent of black men who were recently married were married to black women. In other words, blacks who marry black women are the norm. According to some research at Howard university researchers in these statistics data, and the public think the opposite is, received a university education of blacks and the percentage of people who earn more than $100000 higher.

Despite this, people tend to notice that interracial couples are more likely than those who have noticed. So Natalie, when you walk into the club, your eyes will probably magnify the black wine with his Latin date. But at the very least, the idea that all blacks are throwing black women at others is exaggerated.

There is another stereotype of a black man who deserves to be unwrapped. Many cited the 2014 OKCupid survey, which highlighted the worst results for black women and Asian men on dating sites. They do not always add that blacks face “racial punishment” for blacks. We’ve all heard about black people choosing their myths about dating. But in fact, they face a series of setbacks.

Of course, looking at these Numbers doesn’t tell the whole story. Black men are more likely to marry people of different RACES than black women. (in 2015 pew found that 88% of black women married black men.)

Now, knowing all this data doesn’t mean that the next time you go out, the black people in your dreams will miraculously start talking. So what do you do? LaDawn Black says intentionality is your friend. So a lot of people hang on to a lovely idea – but she’s not in love. This is something that people have to plan, whether it’s using dating apps, websites or sending messages to friends and family.

The dark side has one last piece of advice for the lovelorn. “I think the big challenge we face as a black woman is, we have long social, hoping to find a good black men, black men and black men in social looking for a good woman, so if you got this information from birth, are you really looking for that thing, his existence, there he is, he can take for you, but if he is a good Asian, how to do? What if he’s a good white guy? A good Puerto Rican man? You’re limiting your potential because you’re not opening yourself up to a different person. ”

She added: “as black women, we must define the love for oneself, don’t be afraid to have a traditional relationship, don’t be afraid to have a different relationship with their parents, which is different from your girlfriend. Unlike TV and movies that tell you your relationship should be like this, you have to get the love that suits you, not the love you’ve sold.

Do you have it.

Good luck, Natalie. Happy valentine’s day.

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